coming out
so, I came out to my mom last sunday. she said she was suspicious, but she just thought I was a lesbian rather than a trans guy, thats normal. however, she said I could not transition, she doesn't want me to transition in any way, and my name will still be [deadname] and my pronouns still she/her, so, was the coming out succesful? no. was I kicked out of the house? no, atleast! she said she agrees on sending me to a psychiatrist which is a start. here psychiatrists can go ahead, give you the diagnosis and allow you to get hormones. I'm old enough to get hormones and trust me, I'm willing to bust my ass off working saturday and sunday while going to uni other days of the week if it means i'll get the money to buy the hormones I need. hell, I'm okay with living on the street.
I still feel wholeheartdly rejected by my own family, but I feel braver to go ahead and buy the things I need in order to ease my gender dysphoria without explaining anything to my parents. hopefully, I'll get somewhere before I hit 30.
while suicidal thoughts plague my brain everytime I go outside... I'm willing to keep going, I'm willing to ignore them and believe that I will achieve the happiness I deserve someday, I'll transition and I'll be myself more than ever.
to all trans people maybe reading this: keep going. keep fucking going. it's hard, it's expensive, it's terrible, but keep going. the only way to know how the future will be is by staying alive.
trans men: we're handsome, we're amazing and our gender fucky-ness fucking rules. trans women: you are the coolest people to ever exist, and you just give this gray, gray world some colour. TRANS PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL, THEY ARE VALID, AND WE ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME.
